Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Do You Have A Phallus

Getting calls from perfect strangers on my mobile phone does not surprise me any more - I get so many of them and quite regularly that I have now come to accept them as additional price I have to pay - in addition to the premium I paid BMobile - for wanting a number that is out of the ordinary. In fact one time I got a call from a young girl from Rangshikhar in the East who admitted to dialing my number randomly because she hoped to soothe her nerves that have been frayed with a sense of anxiety over the outcome of her class XII exams. But the call from another stranger girl last Friday had me speechless for a while, literally.

“Hello, is this Mr. Yeshey Dorji the photographer?”
“Yes, this is I”
“Kuzuzangpo la, my name is Karma and I got your number from Mr. Kinley Dhendup of the Tourism Council of Bhutan”
“Lass, how can I help you, Karma?”
“Actually I called to find out if you have a phallus”.
Huh? Do I have a phallus? What kind of a question is that? More importantly, what the hell did she mean by that? I mean, I was born without any known deformity which means that I am a perfectly formed male species with all my manly organs intact and in the right places where they are supposed to be. Then why the question? I was mildly insulted and intrigued at the same time. However, the voice on the other end of the phone was very matter-of-fact and without any trace of sarcasm or mockery. There was not a hint of coyness in her voice. In truth, I am unnerved by the fact that a girl can discuss male organ with a male with such candor and directness. Obviously, time has come for me to shed that idea about the female species being the shy-and-retiring types - I think they have evolved to a higher plane, without my knowing about it.
“Well, I do have a phallus somewhere. Why do you ask?”
Her next question left me feeling even more incredulous.
“Will you allow me the use of it, please?”
Oh God, what have I gotten myself into? I mean it isn’t abnormal that a girl might desire a phallus once in a while - it is perfectly within the natural order of things. But how feasible is it that a girl might want the use of a phallus? It is a horrendous thought but is it possible that she might want to use it to badger someone or something like that? Other than that, and a very specific purpose for which it was designed, what else can the poor phallus be useful for?
“You see my cousin runs a store in Paro that cater to the tourists and she tells me that this year the phallus is in great demand among the tourists. She wants to cash in on that”.
Ah … now I see it. She hopes to be able to send my phallus frolicking among the tourists in Paro so that her cousin can make some extra buck. Do I want to be so chivalrous? Before I can answer that to myself, she continues:
“I am told that you have a very good high resolution image of a wooden phallus. Will you please allow me to print one thousand copies of Post Cards out of the image? It will be a one time use and I will be happy to give you credit for the image”.
Touché! She will be generous to give me credit for my own image and she does not make any mention about payment for the image - meaning she thinks I am the Salvation Army.
I am speechless.


  1. Ha ha ha, I didn't know you are seriously funny. You got me laughing out loud in the class.
    For sometime I was wondering you must have very special organ that girls around the country ask for that... even tourism council knows about your thing...ha ha ha tourist are after the best...ha ah ha

    One of the nicest post I ever read!
    Did you give the picture anyway? Was she satisfied with the size?

    she is going to give you credit for your picture mo? great girl!

  2. Hi PaSsu,

    Thanks - I am glad my post was worth a few laughs :)

    Yes, I gave her my Phallus image and told her to ensure that she does a good job of printing. I mean there is no point giving her a good image and she does a lousy job of printing.

    Yea she liked the image - the moment the image opened up in the fax viewer, I saw her catch her breath :)

  3. lol...I was reading this on my own, feeling a little embarrassed and then along the way I broke into a have such an ingenious way with the English language like you do with your camera...also, thumbs up to the girl who called you coz I don't know how I would have gotten around to inquiring about what she asked of you.....Sonam ~

  4. Did you tell her how she scared your in the begining?

  5. No PaSsu,

    No, I didn't - actually it was me with the downcast eyes when we met to deliver the image and started to discuss the resolution, image size and such :)

  6. Hi Sonam

    Thanks. I told you the girl was so thoroughly business-like. I think I was the prude of the two. haha

  7. Yeshey...and I thought I was being totally prudish.....! were incredulous from the time she made her inquiry till the end when she revealed her writing and sharing...Sonam

  8. You crazy-man!

    I most thoroughly enjoyed the read, but saved my imaginations within the limits of your confessions and fears!

    This, in fact has been a glorified talk amongst my colleagues at work. For some reasons, we women are made to feel you men value/ upload that "thing", bit too much. Wrong?

    Anyway, we need to debate on this. For now, assume your write-up got me into some thinking.

  9. hahahaha aue,

    That was hilarious!

  10. Ha Ha..Just reminds me it's about time I start getting mine up (pun intended!)

    LoL.Before people start getting ideas, I was just implying I need to begin shooting them and anticipate a similar call! :)

    BTW, Aue Yeshey, I have ordered that lens, and am supposed to hear from them in a couple of days! As for the customs, I don't see aa way out other than get down on my knees and beg for leniency!

    Interesting posts!


  11. Hi Lakey,

    Good! You asked them to send by EMS I hope? Don't make a mistake there.

  12. hi acho,is the small n unpolished phallus 'The protector of the protector'?poor thing ...he is neglected though he is as important as the shiny one.
    And about the blog....i feel proud to tell my colleagues that the author is my brother..

  13. Hi Dradul,

    Good to see you here.

    I have no idea if the unpolished one is the protector of the protector - I never got around to ask since the house in front of which this handiwork was installed was not occupied at the time this was shot.